Saturday, January 8, 2011

Are They Supposed To Look Like That?

   I'm  very  aware  of  my  body;  noticing  the smallest  changes  at  a  glance.  It  was  the  beginning  of  the  new school  year  and  I  was  just  promoted  to  the  tenth  grade.  Mama  had  been  to  rehab  and  was  two  months  clean.  We  were  shopping  with  the  grant  money  she  had  received  from  enrolling  in  college.  She majored  in  psychology.  Yeah,  I  know!  Anyway,  it  had  been  two  and  a  half  long  months  of  summer  and  I  couldn't  wait  to  show  off  my  new  clothes.  Mama  brought  name  brand  clothes  since  she  had  another  agenda.  True  enough,  all  the  fast  food  we  ate  caught  up  with  me.  I  went  form  a  size  five  to  a  size  ten!  When  I  looked  at  myself  in  the  mirror,  it  made  me  laugh  to  see  the  double  chin  and  chubby  cheeks.  I  even  had  a  butt.  Those  seniors  were  going  to  go  crazy  when  they  saw  me!

    The  night  before  school  would  start,  I  noticed  something  strange  about  my  breast.  They  had  grown!  It  may  have  been  due  to  the  vitamin  supplements  I  had  been  taking.  The  main  ingredient  was  estrogen.  Trying  on  every  bra  I  had  purchased,  I  felt  confident  that  my  breast  had  finally  formed  like  they  were  supposed  to.  But  something  else  caught  my  eye.  There  were  small  blue  veins  protruding  through  my  flesh.  It  freaked  me  out  so  bad  that  I  ran  into  the  living  room  where  Mama  sat  chain  smoking.  Since  she  quit  shooting  up,  smoking  had  become  another  horrible  habit.  At  least  heroin  didn't  stink,  in  a syringe  anyway.
    "Mama,  look!"  I  lifted  up  my  shirt  and  showed  Mama  the  map  like  veins  in  both  of  my  breast.
    "And...So!"  Taking  quick  puffs  of  two  cigarettes  at  the  same  time,  Mama  didn't  seem  impressed  with  my breast.
    "You  don't  see  anything  wrong  Mama?"  I  was  confused  as  hell.
     "No!  Leave  me  alone!"  The  psychologist  said  that  Mama  would  have  personality  disorders,  but  damn.  These  are  my  breast  that  were  deformed!

     Without  any  help  from  Mama,  I  went  to  school  anxious  about  my  breast.  The  school  nurse's  office  was  inside  of  the  principle's  office.  I  went  in  and  showed  her  the  veins.
    "I've  been  taking  Estrogen  pills  to  increase  my  breast  size. Do  you  think  that's  it?"  She  nodded  nonchalantly.  I  walked  out  of  the  office  rolling  my  eyes.  Hell,  I  just  diagnosed  myself!  Weeks  passed  and  the  veins  were  still  there.  I  had  stopped  taking  the  Estrogen,  but  my  breast  were  still  big.  I  decided  to talk  to  an  herbal  specialist,  who  told  me  to  drink  Parsley  Tea.  She  said  that  it  would  help  the  veins  go  away,  but  keep  my  large  breast.  I drank  the  tea  morning,  noon,  and  night.

   Around  midnight,  I  felt  the  most  horrible  pain  in  my  abdomen.  I  didn't  panic  because  the  herbal  specialist  told  me  that  would  happen.  Within  three  hours,  the  pain  graduated  to  unbearable.  I  screamed  for  Mama,  but  no  answer.  Clenching  my  stomach  like  an  elderly  woman's  purse  on  the  ten  o'clock  train  in  New  York,  I  crawled  out  of  my  bed  and  into  the  living  room.
   "Mama,  help  me!  Some thing's  wrong!" Mama  just  stared  at  me  with  a  glare  in  her  eyes.  A  white  substance  hung  from  her  nose.
    "Oh,  Mama!"  I  tried  to  stand,  grabbing  Mama's  car  keys,  I  drove  myself  to  the  hospital.

   Doctors  rushed  me  into  a  room.  I  had  told  them  about  the  estrogen  and  parsley  tea.  They  weren't  too  concerned.  All  they  kept  asking  me  was  if  I  had  taking  any  prescription  drugs.  I  peeked  down  at  my  legs  because  I  felt  moisture.  Blood  was  everywhere!  I  panicked.  The  pain  was  harder  and  stronger  than  ever  before.
    "Oh  God!"  I  nearly  passed  out.

  All  of  a  sudden,  the  room  fell quiet.  The  pain  had  suddenly  stopped.  Through  the  silence  came  a  squeak.  Then  another  squeak.
    "What  is  that?"  I  asked  in  a  whisper.  My  body  was  drained.  I  was  drenched  in  sweat  and  blood.  One  of  the  nurses  rubbed  my  hand  gently.
    "Sweetie,  that's  your  baby!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You write the craziest stories. I follow you on twitter and I am a true fan of Ariona Taylor. You may just be the next big thing!!! Sara