I'm very aware of my body; noticing the smallest changes at a glance. It was the beginning of the new school year and I was just promoted to the tenth grade. Mama had been to rehab and was two months clean. We were shopping with the grant money she had received from enrolling in college. She majored in psychology. Yeah, I know! Anyway, it had been two and a half long months of summer and I couldn't wait to show off my new clothes. Mama brought name brand clothes since she had another agenda. True enough, all the fast food we ate caught up with me. I went form a size five to a size ten! When I looked at myself in the mirror, it made me laugh to see the double chin and chubby cheeks. I even had a butt. Those seniors were going to go crazy when they saw me!
The night before school would start, I noticed something strange about my breast. They had grown! It may have been due to the vitamin supplements I had been taking. The main ingredient was estrogen. Trying on every bra I had purchased, I felt confident that my breast had finally formed like they were supposed to. But something else caught my eye. There were small blue veins protruding through my flesh. It freaked me out so bad that I ran into the living room where Mama sat chain smoking. Since she quit shooting up, smoking had become another horrible habit. At least heroin didn't stink, in a syringe anyway.
"Mama, look!" I lifted up my shirt and showed Mama the map like veins in both of my breast.
"And...So!" Taking quick puffs of two cigarettes at the same time, Mama didn't seem impressed with my breast.
"You don't see anything wrong Mama?" I was confused as hell.
"No! Leave me alone!" The psychologist said that Mama would have personality disorders, but damn. These are my breast that were deformed!
Without any help from Mama, I went to school anxious about my breast. The school nurse's office was inside of the principle's office. I went in and showed her the veins.
"I've been taking Estrogen pills to increase my breast size. Do you think that's it?" She nodded nonchalantly. I walked out of the office rolling my eyes. Hell, I just diagnosed myself! Weeks passed and the veins were still there. I had stopped taking the Estrogen, but my breast were still big. I decided to talk to an herbal specialist, who told me to drink Parsley Tea. She said that it would help the veins go away, but keep my large breast. I drank the tea morning, noon, and night.
Around midnight, I felt the most horrible pain in my abdomen. I didn't panic because the herbal specialist told me that would happen. Within three hours, the pain graduated to unbearable. I screamed for Mama, but no answer. Clenching my stomach like an elderly woman's purse on the ten o'clock train in New York, I crawled out of my bed and into the living room.
"Mama, help me! Some thing's wrong!" Mama just stared at me with a glare in her eyes. A white substance hung from her nose.
"Oh, Mama!" I tried to stand, grabbing Mama's car keys, I drove myself to the hospital.
Doctors rushed me into a room. I had told them about the estrogen and parsley tea. They weren't too concerned. All they kept asking me was if I had taking any prescription drugs. I peeked down at my legs because I felt moisture. Blood was everywhere! I panicked. The pain was harder and stronger than ever before.
"Oh God!" I nearly passed out.
All of a sudden, the room fell quiet. The pain had suddenly stopped. Through the silence came a squeak. Then another squeak.
"What is that?" I asked in a whisper. My body was drained. I was drenched in sweat and blood. One of the nurses rubbed my hand gently.
"Sweetie, that's your baby!"