Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year, Old Bullshit

My life had never been anything special until I met my boyfriend, Jason. He was four years older than me  and had a two year old daughter. Jason carried a picture of the long haired, doll faced angel in his wallet. I smiled when I caught him admiring her. It was obvious that little girl meant the world to him. When we met at a convenience store a month ago, Jason and I were inseparable. We talked about having children of our own. In fact I had gotten off birth control a week before Thanksgiving. He cared for me like a man should. He had even beat a guy up for bringing up my past. My sweetheart Jason! Tall and lanky, but had hands the size of a gorilla, Jason was my dream man. For Thanksgiving, he had made lasagna with garlic bread and we drank kool-aid. For Christmas, Jason glazed a ham for me and even made cornbread! Not saying it was the best, but he tried.

On New Year's Eve, Jason and I went downtown under the bridge to watch the fireworks. I asked Jason about his daughter and why he didn't bring her. First he was silent, so I repeated myself.
    "She's dead alright!" My jaw swung open. Tears were running down his smooth baby face. I had to say something, but what. This man had gotten me through some tough times and I was not about to let him deal with this alone!
    "I'm so sorry Jason, I didn't know. Is there anything I can do?" Shaking his head, Jason walked over to the side of the bridge and sat on the edge.
    "You wanna know what happened?" Wiping the tears away, Jason began telling me the gruesome story about the murder of his daughter. It didn't dawn on me right then as Jason detailed very intimate moments with his daughter. The way she climbed on his chest and didn't like to wear clothes. Dismissing the statement, as some toddlers often did that. Carefully, I listened to my man's painful testimony.
     " I held her so close to me that night. I felt something was wrong. Her mother came and took her away from me! We were just laying on the bed watching T.V!" Jason sighed. His breathing became heavy. Next tears poured like rain down Jason's face.
     "She got mad that our daughter urinated all over the bed. She would do that sometimes when we would just, lay there. She didn't want her diaper on. Never did and I didn't mind." Jason began to mumble. At that point I inched away. Something wasn't right.

When Jason saw me moving away, he quickly grabbed me.
    "She was my daughter! Not a whore like her mother or you! She was innocent and she loved me." My mind raced. I didn't know what to think. It didn't make sense.
     " you kill h...h..e..r?!" Shaking so hard in Jason's grasp, that my words came out in sections. Jason looked to the ground.
     "I had to protect her. She was all I had!" Then his eyes pierced my soul as he put his large hands around my throat and whispered. "They didn't feel a thing."

Then I passed out.

No comments: